I hate being in my 40’s

•July 23, 2009 • Leave a Comment

So, ON MY BIRTHDAY, I noticed this spot on my face that looked – well – ANCIENT. I just realized my skin is not aging gracefully at all. On top of that, I am breaking out like a teenager because I am trying to wake up my libido with some vitamins that are for that. Ok, so my choices are: no libido, less zits, aging skin OR a tiny bit more libido, tons of zits and aging skin. How does one choose between sex and zits I ask you?? I can’t wait to get a job. The first thing I am going to do is visit my dermatologist and make her figure all this out. How can I fight zits with all the drying stuff they have you use when my skin is really pretty dry and getting more wrinkly and sagging by the day??

I am such a mess. Being 41 kinda sucks.

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Wasted summer

•July 17, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I am off today. Ok, so that means from a part time job delivering pizza, but still, I am OFF. I have to work all weekend so this is exciting for me. Sooooo, what to do? I really want to go to the zoo and that is free – but it is supposed to storm. I have nothing to do (that is free of course). I feel like the summer is passing me by and I have a lot of free time to enjoy it. Can’t go camping, don’t have enough time off together to go and the hubby complains he is burned out and doesn’t want to do ANYTHING. That makes me crazy because I am not a “do nothing” type of person. To me, camping is relaxing and it is fairly cheap. We even have a place that we could camp for free. He annoys me sometimes.

Good news though…kinda. I was going crazy…really obsessing over the job I interviewed for that I really want. I finally emailed the HR person to ask about it. But I have a secret and this just cracks me up. You know how you are supposed to send a thank you note after an interview? Well, this company was supposedly planning to make a decision very quickly – within a couple of days. I was trying to figure out – should I send the note via email so they get it before they make the decision…is that too obvious? Tacky? Anyway, I got so caught up in the whole problem that I NEVER SENT IT. So, in my email I asked if they had received it – I know, so not honest of me to let them think it was lost in the mail. The funny part?? He said he had received it and thank you!!! Wahoo! I sent a thank you note that was invisible but HE SAW IT! That is pretty cool. Anyway, the good news (kinda) is that he said they were still interviewing and that the process was taking longer than they thought. I am hoping that is not “we are hoping someone better than you comes along”. Damn, I really want that job….

antsy

•July 10, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I am anxiously waiting for the phone to ring. Hoping to hear about a job that I interviewed for that I really want. At the same time that I really want it – I am completely intimidated by the thought of doing some of it. It is basically a project manager position without the title. Am I qualified for that? Can I manage to figure it out as I go along? I think I will start researching how to be a project manager now….

On the other hand, am doing ok in the money arena delivering pizza. Making enough to keep our heads above water at least. It’s nice to not have that added stress. Between that and the fact that the cats are feeling better – I might actually be stress-free! I feel guilt feeling stress free though since my husband is completely stressed working two jobs and trying to see his kids. So I have guilt stress…right?

Too hopeful?

•July 9, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Things are looking up this week and I hope it is not just medication making me think that. I had a great interview yesterday for a position I thought I did not really want but was willing to do…after the interview and hearing more about the job I really want it. Hopefully I am not getting my hopes up because it would suck to really want it and not get it.

I have actually been off the meds for a couple of days now. Ran out and just had the doctors appointment this morning. I think I am going to give it a few more days to see how I feel without the chemicals now that some things are shifting in my life for the better. I have a new prescription if I need it…or should I say a new crutch haha!

I am hoping that if I get this job that they will want me to start maybe a week later because it would be nice to know I have a job and can enjoy a few summer days without that stress hanging over my head. As it is, I feel guilt if I do anything fun at all because my poor husband is working two jobs. I started working part time also but I still have guilt because I am obviously not pulling my own weight these days. It would be nice to have some guilt-free summer days to enjoy.

Thankful

•July 2, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I wanted to dedicate a whole post to a friend. I may have mentioned in an earlier post that both of my cats have been throwing up regularly – whole stomach-fulls of food. The one cat has actually lost weight. This started right before quitting my old job but I kept putting off taking them to the vet while I waited for the business to take off – which it didn’t. So I had the added stress of these cats being so sick and me not being able to take them to the vet. This friend offered to put the vet bill on her credit card. I was not going to take her up on it but finally caved because I was so worried about them. I took the sicker cat who has lost weight (the other has held down more food and has not lost weight). He had over $600 worth of tests – still no conclusion. I feel better having taken him though and hope to get to the bottom of it soon.

My friend is awesome and I love her and plan to pay back that money asap with interest (even though she will argue with me about that).

Driving pizza

•July 2, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I have to admit – I like delivering pizza. Granted, it is nice to finally have a little money coming in, and I am doing pretty well at it and making nice tips, but I just kind of like driving around. Good thing since I have still not found a job. I did have a short phone interview yesterday. Was in the middle of cleaning at my Mom’s house while she went with the movers to her new place and the cell phone rang. I was totally not in interview mode of course – I was all sweaty and filthy. It took me a few minutes to even realize why this person was calling me. He said at the outset that it would be a short conversation. He did not ask for specifics – I obsessed over that phone call for the rest of the day. Should I have offered more detail? Is the fact that it was really short a bad sign? He would not commit to an interview but said “if you are selected, you should be contacted after the holiday”. Not very encouraging.

Speaking of financial nightmares…

•June 24, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I have been feeling kind of sorry for myself lately but read a book that kind of helped. You see,  with no income, I am having to be extremely frugal, paying only bills that need to be paid, buying as much time between as possible while my poor husband works full time then delivers pizza part time (which I will also be doing) to help pay the bills. I am really understanding what “poor” is these days. One of the bills I handled was groceries. Obviously that is a controllable expense and I have been so frugal. We have eaten down the pantry and the freezer to an amazingly empty state. I have had to get very creative with food and often skip meals to make the food hold out longer. The book I read that made me appreciate what I was eating and also made me look at it differently was called The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Apparently it is also a movie. In the book, the whole premise is that Earth has had some sort of apocalypse and all growing things have been killed. There are few people left on earth and there is very little food. This man and his son are traipsing toward the ocean looking for somewhere that is not so bad and along the way they have to scrounge for food in abandoned houses and stores. Just as it gets as hopeless as it can get and they are literally starving to death, they happen upon some miracle of food. The first time they find a bomb shelter which is packed with food and supplies. The second time is when they get to the ocean and there is a boat out in the water that the man swims to and brings back stuff from it.

Really makes you appreciate what you have, even if it isn’t Bonefish or Fosters burgers. Damn was I spoiled.